Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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