From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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