I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
