I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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