fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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