I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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