I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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