you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
