tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
