In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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