Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
