i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
