Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
