My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
