The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize