You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
