the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
