So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
