Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
