dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
