Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
