Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is the high leading the old right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Terrible idea I love it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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