apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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