I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
