You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
