I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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