"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
