dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
