Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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