He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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