theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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