no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
