just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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