so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bring me that man meat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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