He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
