Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
