nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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