Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
