I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
