You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im holly from the hills drunk
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
