she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
