apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
