oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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