yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
