Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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