just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
