She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
