Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
