just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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