The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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