I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
