No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
