bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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